Better, not Best

Growing up, I was told by my parents to be the best in everything I do. Like what I always say, I think I won the parent lottery because my parents are pretty much supportive in all the things I go into. Well, honestly, my mom wanted me to become a nurse, but later on decided to support me in pursuing what I really wanted to become – a communicator. My dad was always there to drop me to school when I needed to be early (or when I was too lazy to commute), or pick me up when I needed to go home very late. They were too supportive practically because they see me exerting every inch of effort I have in everything I do, and they were proud of my achievements.

Truth is, I am afraid of making failures. I am afraid of committing mistakes especially when people are looking at me. Maybe most of my group mates in various courses and activities could attest. For me the culture of "being the best" is very important, in fact necessary. If there are room for improvements, if we can still think of anything better than what we did, I would demand an overhaul even up to the last minute. I cry so loud when I see my team not doing things the way I wanted it to be. I don't believe in plan Bs, because only plan A would work.

I lived in the thought that I can only be the best. I was drowned in the noise of applause, thought that everything's for me. Then I woke up one day, realizing that people behind me have already left, practically because they think I'm not the best, because I can never be the best if I'm not even good to begin with.

That's the truth. You can never be the best if you're not even good to begin with.

I was too afraid to make mistakes I didn't realize it's human to make one. I was too afraid to be judged as a weakling, or a loser, not realizing that I am not living to please others but myself.

I came into deep reflection. I lived life the way it should be. I entertained criticisms, even the most painful ones, because listening to others telling you that you make mistakes humbles you and makes you strive for the better. I listened attentively to tips and advices, and tried to learn day by day.

The experiences and mistakes have made me realize to always strive for the better - not best. Every day I wake up and pray that I become a better version of myself. I stopped comparing myself to others because it doesn't help me get closer to what I want to become.

I guess being able to accept that you make mistakes and you can be better than who you are are signs of becoming more matured. And now, I am more than willing to commit mistakes, learn from those, listen to criticisms that matter. I am willing to change the person that I was to the person that I can become - a person oozing with potential once he admits he's never good enough until he learns.

Now, I'm trying to make my parents even prouder by being me. I hope being better is being the best for them.

Here's to becoming better and better, one day at a time.