Add and subtract (the period)

You added a period. And you diminished it because you're good again.

Who would ever imagine that some things in life will just end up the way it was before and you don't know how it happened. But you're happy. No, you're very happy that it turned in your way again. You did not expect this to happen and it adds up to your joy. You realized God is so generous to you for having something back, winning the same thing again. And you decided not to ruin it again by injecting your over matured  emotions. But of course, you'll never know what will happen again until you're there.

You know it for a very long while that it won't just end up that silly and arrogant way, but sometime you turned down the challenge. There came a time in your life that you placed another period in your ellipsis, making a cliffhanger closed. You ended it up without knowing what will happen next. Maybe that's the consequence of it. You won't feel additional pains, at the same time you won't feel the happiness.

You ended it up by thanking him. By saying there's no automatic erase in your memories. By telling him there's nothing left but dusts of his existence. But of course you're sweetening the lemon so you won't feel the loss. You tried to find a good excuse, actually, an uplifting point in a tragic, realistic truth. You said it's really your fault that you messed up with your emotions and you did not consider his feelings. You became so selfish for thinking of your own happiness, according to you.

Most of your friends told you that you weren't wrong for thinking of your own happiness. You are not Mother Teresa or Mahatma Gandhi to sacrifice your own little joys of your heart. They said he was too insensitive to do some things that will add up to your pains. You defended him. You self-pitied to prove he was the one who is correct. You insisted it was self-inflicted pain that resulted to a complex scenario that had involved people of no concern to react cynically (in your damn perspective). You made yourself believe it was really you who caused the trouble. And they just stared at you badly.

So, you ended it up. But one day you woke up in a cold morning. You checked your Facebook profile to see if there's something that will change your life. Well, you are expecting something for a very long time and now is the right moment to fulfill it. You've seen a chat tab where his name appears, meaning he sent you a personal message. You looked at it excitedly, and read his message. "Remember this one?" Tears began to fall. This time, it was tears of unexpected joy. You suddenly replied, "Yes, I remember this. I miss this one." You wanted to have a long reply but you decided to shorten it to stop ending up with the same old story. You learned the value of temperance shortly after what happened. You made yourself feel satisfied with your response. You succeeded.

Of course, you realized you were wrong again for ending up a fight that doesn't require an ending. You became so excited, so shallow-minded to turn down a fight you always wish to win on. As for now, you didn't win because you didn't get what you wanted to have, but at least this is a consolation. The mere fact that he talks to you again, its a very good blessing. You now have your chance to turn back everything. Regain what was lost and start a good friendship again. And most of all, you now know the boundaries of friendship. You should not make even a single step to cross it again or else, you may not have the chance again.

You are now happy. It is an intrinsic happiness. You never felt it before, especially when the troughs of life devoured you.

And I'm thanking him now for being so kind to me.